If You Are Not Your Thoughts, Then Who Are You?

you are not your thoughts

To realise that you are not your thoughts is when you begin to awaken spiritually —Eckhart Tolle

Realising you are not your thoughts is a life-changing discovery, a pivotal moment in each person’s spiritual journey.

It struck me for the first time in 1997, after reading “The Power Of Now” by Eckhart Tolle.  I had read many transformational books before that, but this one blew my mind.

More accurately, it blew apart my ideas of what I thought the mind was.

Here is an excerpt from the book:

The mind is a superb instrument if used rightly. Used wrongly, however, it becomes very destructive. To put it more accurately, it is not so much that you use your mind wrongly — you usually don’t use it at all. It uses you. This is the disease. You believe that you are your mind. This is the delusion. The instrument has taken you over.

The notion that you are not your thoughts is a radical one. It goes against everything we have been conditioned to believe all our lives.

Everything in your experience would suggest otherwise. Your thoughts appear in your head. They are known only to you. They speak in your voice. How could they not be who you are?

Let’s take a closer look. There is more to the picture

Thoughts Are Only A Small Part Of Your Experience

I invite you to try the following guided meditation, one of my favourites. It offers an interesting perspective on our relationship with thoughts (you’ll find an audio version below).

First, find a comfortable position. Sitting or lying down are both fine.

Take a few deep breaths and as you exhale, do so with a sense of releasing, a sense of letting go.

Be here now, just as you are.

Now, temporarily put aside all thoughts of who you are, any image you have of yourself, any ideas associated with a personal identity—all notions such as male or female, rich or poor, young or old.

Now empty yourself of any concepts, beliefs or knowledge you have about the world.

Put aside all ideas of good or bad, true or false, right or wrong— any self-judgement, anything you feel proud or ashamed of, any achievements or failures,

Set aside all memories of the past — as if you had just arrived on earth in this moment. Put aside all thoughts of the future.

Who are you without a past or a future?

Simply be present here and now, just as you are—breathing in, breathing out.

Stripped of all these concepts, ideas and beliefs, is there still a ‘you’ present?

How would you describe the ‘you’ that remains? Aware? Present? Conscious?

How does it feel? Peaceful? Empty? Expansive?

Is there anything you have put aside that, if you were to take it back, would enhance your experience of this moment?

Who Are You Without Your Thoughts?  Guided Meditation Audio (7:30 mins)


If You Are Your Thoughts, Who Is The One Watching?

When you learn to meditate, the first thing you learn is to take a step back and watch the mind objectively—with an attitude of curiosity. You become aware that, “there is the mind doing it’s thing and here am I, watching.”

One of the first things you notice is that thoughts are self-arising. They appear by themselves, apparently out of nowhere, linger in your awareness for a moment or two and then disappear again— like clouds passing across the sky.

You have no idea what the next thought will be. You could say they are impersonal, in that you play no part in their appearance and disappearance. The mind has a mind of its own.

Just as clouds of all shapes and sizes float across the unchanging sky, all kinds of thoughts come and go against the backdrop of your unchanging awareness.

Happy thoughts appear, sad thoughts appear but awareness itself doesn’t change. Thoughts are many, awareness is one. It has no beginning or end. It has no preferences and remains unaffected by whatever thoughts pass through.

The ‘you’ you take yourself to be today is very different from the 10 year-old, 20 year-old or 40 year-old you. And yet, the awareness that is aware of thoughts (feelings and emotions too) hasn’t changed one bit. In spiritual parlance, it is immutable, immaculate, eternal.

Some traditions say that who you really are existed before the appearance of this body and will continue to exist long after it is gone—that the body is a garment you wear for this lifetime and thoughts are part of the package that comes with it.

I go into this topic in more detail in my book “Awaken The Happy You.


Awaken The Happy You

“When you observe the mind, you begin to realise there is a vast realm of intelligence beyond thought, that thought is only a tiny aspect of that intelligence. You also realise that all the things that truly matter — beauty, love, creativity, joy, inner peace — arise from beyond the mind. You begin to awaken.” Eckhart Tolle

What About Your Feelings And Emotions?

The Sedona Method is a powerful technique for letting go of troublesome thoughts, feelings and emotions. It is well worth checking out.

In his introduction to the method, the founder, Hale Dwoskin, uses a great analogy to illustrate our true relationship with the mind. You might want to try this exercise?

  • take a pen and roll it back and forth in the palm of your open hand.

The pen represents any thoughts, feelings or emotions that are present right now. Your hand represents YOU, awareness.

Note that the pen isn’t attached to your hand. The passing thoughts, feelings and emotions are not who you are. They are temporary events arising in awareness.

  • now grip the pen tightly.

This is what we do when we grab onto thoughts— when we identify with them, believe they are who we are and struggle against them.

  • now turn your hand to face the floor, unclench your fist, and allow the pen to fall.

Because the pen is not part of the hand, you can choose to drop it in any moment.

Your thoughts, feelings and emotions are not who you really are. They may be a part of who you are in this moment. In the next moment, however, they may or may not be there.

If they were part of your essential nature, they would always be present. You wouldn’t be free of them even for a single moment.

This is clearly not the case. Everyone, regardless of how troubled they are, experiences moments of joy, of laughter, of OK-ness.

It’s the same with your emotions. You say “I am angry” rather than, “anger is there just now”. You identify with the anger.

If you really were your anger, your sadness or the broken person your mind would have you believe you are, it would be your continuous experience.

You suffer, not because anger or sadness is present, but because you mistake temporary states as being who you are. You personalise them and suffer as a result.


kick the thinking habit


Thoughts Aren’t The Cause Of Your Trouble. Identification WITH Thoughts Is The Real Issue.

Realising you are not your thoughts is a pivotal moment in each person’s spiritual journey.

When you know you are not the mind, you no longer have to take it so damn seriously. Realising this was the biggest relief I ever experienced!

As one of my teachers told me, “Leave the mind alone. Mind your own business.”

“Don’t be concerned about the thoughts that come and go. Leave them alone and they will leave you alone. Leave the mind in peace to do it’s dance and it will leave you in peace to do yours. Don’t touch it at all and you will remain untouched by it.”

—from my book Kick The Thinking Habit

If you want to read more about making peace with a busy mind,  check these articles out:

Why Trying To Fix Your Thoughts Will Never Give You The Peace You Are Looking For

How To Stay Calm, Even With A Head Full Of Negative Thoughts

If you enjoyed this article, why not leave a message below. I’d love to hear your thoughts.


8 thoughts on “If You Are Not Your Thoughts, Then Who Are You?”

  1. I am at this present time suffering from a period of mental turmoil,anxiety, and feelings of hopeless . However Just reading this has given a feeling hope and that I can find peace of mind once more and enjoy life more.

  2. What does that say about love? Is love just a passing emotion not continuous and is to be observed but not really a part of who we are? How does that work for relationships?

    1. hi Denise,
      Great question! There are two types of love. Love as an emotion that comes and goes and love as the truth of who you are.
      If you look closely at everything that makes up what you call ‘me, the person’ — body, mind, thoughts, feeling and emotions — you will see that none of it is constant or solid. Who we take ourselves to be is really an ever-changing kaleidoscope of all the above. The person only APPEARS solid because there seems to be continuity. In truth, who you are today is not the same person you were yesterday, or even 5 minutes ago. This is one of the fundamental teachings of the Buddha. Love is a beautiful emotion to experience but can you truthfully say that it is always present. Who you really are is the EXPERIENCER of the emotion of love. Emotional love comes and goes within a greater you. The spiritual teacher Papaji said: “Don’t be a person in love. BE LOVE.” Love is the ground of who you are beyond thoughts, feelings and emotions. It is what the whole Universe, including you, is made of.

  3. I too was very struck by Eckhart Tolle’s book. That moment of taking a moment to pause before indulging in the emotions attached to a event or situation is such a valuable lesson to learn and you are so right to bring it to attention.

  4. I really liked this article however I feel that there is still some resistance in me, maybe because of my mind. So if the thoughts are not who we are, why are they private for each of us? And where do they come from then?

  5. Hi I do get what you are saying but without connecting to the thoughts and emotions as an idea of who you are. You would be directionless like an empty zombie not knowing what you want or dont want. Just empty.

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