How To Make Peace With Your Negative Thoughts

negative thoughts

First published on October 15th 2019

It can be a real challenge to stay calm and peaceful when you’re being overrun by negative thoughts.

Fear thoughts, worry thoughts, doubt thoughts, judgement thoughts appear in your head—unannounced and uninvited—and start wreaking havoc.

You feel powerless and overwhelmed.

And the more attention you give them— wrestling them,  wallowing in them, chewing on them, creating mental disaster movies—the more they grow in strength.

Your fragile peace doesn’t stand a chance. In no time at all, it is extinguished—buried beneath a landslide of mental noise.

How to break free from this downward spiral of negativity and get your peace back?

To answer this question, you first have to understand why your thoughts SEEM to have so much power over you.

Armed with this knowledge, you’ll then see why it’s possible to remain calm and peaceful—even with a head full of negative thoughts.

The truth is, you don’t even need to get rid of them.

What you DO need is a different strategy for dealing with thoughts as they arise.


What If They Weren’t Your Thoughts At All?

Where do thoughts come from?

If you were to ask most people who the thoughts in their head belong to, they would look at you as if you had a screw loose.

“They belong to me of course,” would invariably be the answer.

But if you observe your mind closely to see where thoughts originate, you will see that they appear by themselves, apparently from nowhere.

There’s an exercise in mindfulness training called “recognising the restless mind,” which clearly demonstrates that thoughts arise objectively— without any help or input from ourselves.

Thoughts appear by themselves, linger for a moment and then move on again.

We never have any idea what the next thought will be. Its appearance has nothing to do with us.

So, why do we believe they are ours?

Through habit.

We naturally assume they are ours because everyone else does and we’ve never thought to question it. 


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It’s The Mind’s Job To Churn Out Negative Thoughts

The mind is very much like a computer. The thoughts it churns out are determined by your cultural conditioning and your unique set of life experiences.

The thoughts you are experiencing are determined by your background and history. They couldn’t be any different.

Your thoughts are not personal. They are part of your programming.


Negative Thoughts Have No Inherent Power To Affect Your Peace

Now we’re getting to the interesting stuff!

We have seen that thoughts, positive and negative, appear by themselves out of nowhere, as a natural functioning of the mind.

So why do they affect your peace?

They affect you because you identify with them. You think there is something wrong with them being there—the negative ones, that is.

You have no issue with the positive thoughts. You are quite happy for them to hang around.

The only power that thoughts have is the power you give them through identifying with them. Leave them alone and they will leave you alone.

Here’s a quote from my book, “Kick The Thinking Habit.

Don’t be concerned about the thoughts that come and go. Leave them alone and they will leave you alone. Leave the mind in peace to do its dance, and it will leave you in peace to do yours. Don’t touch it at all, and you will remain untouched by it.


3 Ways To Guard Your Peace — Whatever The Mind Throws At You

Here are three practical steps you can take to prevent thoughts from stealing your peace.

1. Treat All Your Thoughts Like Honoured Guests

Or, as my teacher used to say, “Roll out the red carpet.

Most of our suffering comes, not from the thoughts themselves but from our resistance to them.

Let’s say the thought, “You’re such a loser,” appears in your head.

What is your normal reaction when such a thought comes knocking at your door?

First of all, you judge it as negative. You want it to go away—to leave you in peace. Perhaps you also judge yourself for having it?

Is it the thought itself that causes all the trouble or your reaction to it?

What if you were to say YES to it rather than rejecting it — to invite it in with an attitude of non-judgemental acceptance?

What if, knowing it’s just part of the mind’s programming and is not personal, you didn’t mind it being there?

I am guessing it wouldn’t affect your peace in the same way.


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2. Take Everything The Mind Tells You With A Large Pinch Of Salt

Learn to question everything the mind comes up with. It tells more lies than Pinocchio.

Just because it tells you something doesn’t mean there’s any truth in it. If your mind is trying to convince you that you’re a loser, deeply question whether this is really the case.

Be particularly suspicious of generalisations such as ‘you always…’ or ‘everything you do…’

Think of some of your positive achievements in life. Are these really the work of a loser? Like a detective, build up a case that supports the opposite.

Most beliefs rapidly crumble when subjected to even a little scrutiny.

3. Don’t Get Lost In The Mental Movie Jungle

What happens when we dwell on negative thoughts?

They turn into mental movies.

The worry thought about your finances triggers a mind movie imagining the worst possible outcome. In your head, you are already destitute and living on the street, your life in ruins.

Individual thoughts come and go like clouds in the sky. Let them come. Let them go. You suffer when you get sucked into the jungle of mental movie making.

To stop, all you need to do is notice you’re doing it—to be aware of the tendency to overthink and get bogged down in imagined outcomes.

The moment you are aware you’re thinking, you’re already present again.

You have no idea what will happen next in your life.

A huge upturn in fortune may be just around the corner?

Who knows?

Individual thoughts trigger mental movies. Don’t go there. Don’t dwell on your thoughts. Choose for peace instead.


Awaken The Happy You


Peace Is What Happens When You’re Not Thinking

There is one time in the day when every person experiences perfect peace.

It is the brief period in the morning when you’ve just woken up but haven’t yet remembered anything about yourself or your life.

It’s an experience of pure awareness, free from mental activity. In the absence of thought, you are neither male nor female, rich nor poor, young nor old. You just ARE — consciousness aware.

In the absence of thinking, there are no worries or problems.

Peace is an attribute of your true Self, the consciousness that you are. It is not something you have to go looking for.

Why don’t we experience this more often?

It is because our compulsive preoccupation with the mind causes us to overlook the backdrop of peace that is ever-present.


Leave Your Thoughts Alone And They’ll Leave You Alone

A head full of negative thoughts can be overwhelming, depressing and can drive you to despair.

But it doesn’t have to be that way.

Although they may appear to be the enemies of your peace, in truth, thoughts don’t have nearly as much power as you may think.

They are like clouds that appear from nowhere, float around for a bit and disappear again when their time is up.

There is nothing ‘bad’ or ‘wrong’ with negative thoughts floating across the sky of your awareness. You don’t even need to be free of them to experience peace.

They can only affect you if you engage with them — if you identify with them, believe them, fight them, chew on them or make mental movies out of them.

Leave them alone and they’ll leave you alone.

Use the information in this post to change how you relate to thoughts and they will cease to have the same impact on your peace.

Check out my book “Kick The Thinking Habit” for a more in-depth look at how to rise above mind-created suffering.

The next time your mind tries to convince you that there’s something wrong with you (as it will), embrace the thought. Humour it.

Recognise that it’s just the mind doing its thing. Don’t believe it, Don’t resist it,  Don’t dwell on it or think about it. You don’t need to give it any attention at all.

Recognise that all thoughts appear against a backdrop of peace that can never leave you.

Learn to keep your attention there.

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4 thoughts on “How To Make Peace With Your Negative Thoughts”

  1. I’ve recently done a lot of research on thoughts. I was amazed to read we have about 60,000 thoughts a day and 80% are negative. I heard an expression about thoughts
    ” let them flow and let them go”. That made my meditation
    less frustrating. It was easier to return to listening to my breath. Mindfullness helps with with my negative thoughts and I ruminate less.
    If only for the thinking. If we’re not thinking, we’d be dead. If I’m not thinking out of love, then I’m thinking out of fear. Both cannot exist in any present moment. If I resist negative thoughts, they’ll persist. When I experience a negative thought, I say ” it’s only a thought”. I keep it simple.

  2. I first read one of your articles on the Tiny Buddha FB page about changing your relationship with your thoughts. As an anxious, overthinking person prone to depression (no wonder!) this article was literally life changing for me! An ‘ah-ha,’ moment, so to speak. It helped me more than years of therapy ever did, and just wanted to thank you for that. I printed out that article and share it with my adult children when they are anxious and they have found it extremely helpful as well. So happy to have found your blog!

  3. Hi everyone! If I separate my thoughts from my consciousness how will I know I am conscious. I have to think to know right? For example someone suggested to focus on my breathing but then i have to think about breathing so then thats another thought, im not really being me without my thoughts. Its like you’re asking me to just exist without my body…ok but my brain lets me know im alive so im thinking im alive. HELP!!! I understand some things like my awareness was present even in childhood I am able to recognize that, but can i interact with it. Or does it interact with my thoughts?

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